Today I told my mom a secret I have kept for years. I was on a conference call with my brothers and my mom (we have conference calls almost every day, you must wonder what do we talk about on a daily basis, a majority of the time is just roasting each other like any typical African family). In one of the conversations we were having my brother mentioned an old family friend (He was and still is a friend of my uncle, I grew up seeing him at home. He was just like family, another uncle). My brother said that he brought something to my niece. I flipped and I said I don’t want that person next to my niece.
They couldn’t understand how I went from talking just fine to talking crazy so quickly.
I was shaking, crying, having a hard time to put what was in my head into words to let them know what’s up.
So I gathered all my strength together, cooled myself down, and I said: “Mom that evil person molested me when I was little…” My mom and brothers couldn’t believe their ears. I told them about the afternoons he would offer to put me to bed when they were busy he would touch my private parts, I just didn’t know what it was or what to say. I said he did it a couple times and I remember I would cry every time he would offer to put me to bed and they never understood why.
When war broke out where we were living we had to move out of our house and went to live somewhere else but moved back to that house years later when I was in 12th grade. He would pass by our place every time he got off work. He would lend DVDs to my brothers and I for us to watch. One Sunday, I didn’t wake up early enough to go to church with my family and I was at home with the maid. I was sitting in the living room watching a movie when he showed up. We watched a couple episodes together and he said: “Lord you have grown up… when you were little you liked me so much…” I started feeling grossed out because I knew where he was leading with that conversation. I didn’t say anything, I just ignored him and kept on watching my TV show. He then added: “You know if you’re still a virgin, I can do it for you, you won’t feel any pain, just don’t tell anyone…” I stood up and I told him: “You need to leave right now, do you think I forgot what you did when I was little? Talking about how I liked you… gross pervert, you need to leave right now!”
He left, but he came back the next day like nothing happened, and I was nothing but mean, and my mom would say things like “Lynda come on, why are you so mean to him for no reason, he is nice and always lens you guys his DVDs…”, I would just say I don’t like him and leave it at that.
My mom was very shocked when I told her about what happened. I said: “I never told you because I was afraid of being beaten up, you know how African parents are; you wouldn’t listen to me, you would beat me up like I was the problem. Tell all your friends to be their daughters friends because a lot can happen to your daughters and they can’t tell because anything they do or say gets turned around by their mothers into being their faults.”
It took me 30 years to gather my courage and tell my mom. Be careful of who pretends to be a nice caring family friend, talk to your daughters as your friends, let them know you are for them no matter what. Create a friendship and not some kind of strict dictatorial relationship.
Another great blog, similar happened to me but it was two males family members. People don’t realize how damaging that can be for someone to be molested. I am glad you had the courage to tell. I hope every one don’t let this man around their daughters.